Gaston

LEFOU: Who, you? Never! Gaston, you’ve got to pull yourself together.
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston, looking so down in the dumps.
Every guy here’d like to be you, Gaston, even when taking your lumps.
There’s no man in town as admired as you. You’re everyone’s favorite guy.

SILLY GIRLS: Everyone’s awed and inspired by you and it’s not very hard to see why.

LEFOU: No one’s slick as Gaston, no one’s quick as Gaston, No one’s neck’s as incredibly
think as Gaston.

SILLY GIRLS: For there’s no man in town half as manly. Perfect! A pure paragon!

LEFOU: You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley, and they’ll tell you whose team they’d
prefer to be on!

ALL: No one’s been like Gaston, a kingpin like Gaston.

LEFOU: No one’s got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston!

GASTON: As a specimen, yes, I’m intimidating!

ALL: My, what a guy that Gaston! Give five hurrahs! Give twelve hip-hips!

SILLY GIRLS: Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips!

ALL: No one fights like Gaston, douses lights like Gaston.

LEFOU: In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!

SILLY GIRLS: For there’s no one as burly and brawny.

GASTON: As you see I’ve got biceps to spare.

LEFOU: Not a bit of him’s scraggly or scrawny.

GASTON: That’s right! And every last inch of Me’s covered with hair!

ALL: No one hits like Gaston, matches wits like Gaston.

LEFOU: In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston.

GASTON: I’m especially good at expectorating! Ptooey!

ALL: Ten points for Gaston!
Ooooo! Ah! Wow!
My what a guy that Gaston!
No one shoots like Gaston,
makes those beauts like Gaston,

LEFOU: Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston.

GASTON: I use antlers in all of my decorating!

ALL: My what a guy! What a guy! Gaston! Hey!

MAURICE: Help! Help! Someone help me!

GASTON: Maurice?

MAURICE: Please, I need your help! He’s got her! He’s got her locked in a dungeon—

VILLAGER 1: Who?

MAURICE: Belle…we must go at once…not a minute to lose!

GASTON: Whoa. Slow down, Maurice. Who’s got Belle locked in a dungeon?

MAURICE: A beast! A horrible, monstrous beast! All right then, I’ll go back there and get
her out myself!

VILLAGER 2: Crazy ol’ Maurice.

VILLAGER 3: He’s always good for a laugh.

GASTON: Crazy ol’ Maurice… Hmmmmmmm…crazy ol’ Maurice! Lefou, I’m afraid I’ve been thinking.

LEFOU: A dangerous pastime…

GASTON: I know. But that wacky old coot is Belle’s father and his sanity’s only so so.
Now the wheels in my head have been turning
Since I looked at that loony old man.
See, I promised myself I’d be married to Belle And right now I’m evolving a plan!
(whispering…) If I…

LEFOU: Yes?

GASTON: Then we…

LEFOU: No! Would she…

GASTON: Guess!

LEFOU: Now I get it!

GASTON, LEFOU: Let’s go!
No one plots like Gaston, takes cheap shots like Gaston,
Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston.
So, his marriage we soon will be celebrating!
My what a guy! Gaston!